


Bunny Ears

by SpuffyCarrie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Complete, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff and Humor, One Shot, Soft Draco Malfoy, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25933627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpuffyCarrie/pseuds/SpuffyCarrie
Summary: What happens on a stag night stays on a stag night, apparently...A gift the the awesome @samadiw who gave me this plot bunny (LOL)Unbetaed, all mistakes are my own.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 162





	Bunny Ears

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SamadiW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamadiW/gifts).



> Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable music, characters, settings, pictures etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Theo shoved another drink into Draco’s hand as he swayed at the bar with a cigarette in his mouth. 

"Come on mate, we said one shot for every year of freedom. Get it down you!" 

The sounds and lights in the muggle club didn't help his blurred vision. He shook his head as Theo tried to pour the weird blue shot into his mouth. 

"Yeaaahh!" Blaise shouted in his ear as he staggered, barely catching the bar as he attempted to stay upright. 

"Flint, I think he's had enough, let’s get him home." Harry looked shiftily at the others. 

"She's going to fucking kill us." Ron laughed, slapping his belly. This was the best retribution for everything the prick did at school, regardless of whether they were colleagues and almost friends now. 

Draco felt himself dragged along as the others hooted.

Once the air hit him, Draco fell backwards, passing out. His friends caught him and carried him along the street above their heads. 

"Draco, Draco, Draco!" They chanted as he was carried along the road. 

"Strip and leave the fucker here!" Ron called out. He was still annoyed Hermione had ended things with him and then took up with Malfoy. 

"Yeaaah!" Blaise shouted as he removed Draco's suit jacket and shirt. 

"Ah, fuck it." Theo laughed as they all pulled off all his clothes, leaving him like a ragdoll, sitting against a wall.

"Let’s just leave him here, it's not far from home, only a few streets." Harry felt a bit sorry for him, he was more sober than the others, having avoided the blue drinks. He made a note to come back and check on him. It wouldn't do for one of his staff to be left like this. Draco was sitting inside an alley and he hoped nobody would see him.

"We could bash him in the bollocks with a brick?" Ron offered.

"Nahhh," Blaise patted Draco’s head like he was a dog, “He’s a good boy.”

"Ron, I'm sure his future wife would like to have children." Harry tutted. 

"Don't be a prick, Ron." Theo clapped him on the back, swigging from a flask and handing it to Ron.

Some girls passed by, dressed for a night out and shooting them alluring looks.

"Oi, Weasley, let’s see if we can pull," Theo dragged him away. Marcus followed with Blaise, all singletons apart from Harry and Draco. Harry took one last look, before shaking his head and following the others. Draco would be okay for a while. He kept an eye on the others and stopped them from being arrested and he knew he’d be responsible for making sure they got home. 

With a quick glance at the others he threw his invisibility cloak over the naked bloke. 

…

Draco woke to see some women laughing as they walked by, he pushed some cloth away from his face, standing up and staggering to the street he looked around, only to find the women and none of his friends in sight. 

"Holy shit! This bloke is naked!" One girl wearing rabbit ears yelled. 

"Fuck me, why are we going to a strip club when this fine specimen is here?" They surrounded him, one letting out a wolf whistle. 

"He is damn hot." The girl with the rabbit ears moved closer, placing some bunny ears on his head. "God you look sweet like that, how would you like to jackrabbit me baby?" 

Draco muttered unintelligibly backing off, his rabbit ears swaying in the wind.

"Oh, he’s gone." They lamented as he ran away, watching his tight arse and muscular body until he was out of sight.

His head hurt as he ran down the alley, finding a fence and jumping into someone's garden to hide behind some well pruned pink begonias. 

His vision wavered and he sat for a while before climbing over the next fence.

…

Harry returned to the alley ten minutes later and found his precious cloak lying on the floor near where a man was relieving himself. 

"Hey mate, did you see a blonde-haired naked bloke down here?" 

"Piss off, I'm not into men." The man replied. 

Harry ran his hands through his hair, "Fuck." 

.......

Hermione woke to a hammering on the door. Scrubbing at her eyes she sauntered down the stairs. 

"Alright, I'm coming!"

Picking up her wand she opened the door.

"Draco? What are you doing here, where are your clothes and what the hell are you wearing?" She peered at the bunny ears on his head.

He looked at himself and then back to her with unfocused eyes, one arm braced against the doorframe.

"It's not schosal eveeent, I came here becaush..." he replied drunkenly.

"Oh, just get in here, you stupid sod," she grabbed him by the shoulders and hauled him inside. 

"But Granger, my future wife ishh waiting, I'll be in t-trouble." He tried to leave. 

"Darling, you're naked and the neighbour walking his dog is about to call the police. Just get inside." 

Draco staggered inside, "whatever happens on the stag n-night, shtays on the shstag night." He told her sagely as she directed him to the lounge. 

Hermione barely had time to shove a towel under him before he sat on the vintage cream sofa. 

"What have you been doing? You're covered in mud and green stuff." She plucked some ivy from his hair.

"Had to..." he glazed over for a few moments, closing his eyes, his head lolling as he snored for a second.

"Draco!" Hermione barked.

"Yes mother, I'll be down to breakfast shortly!" He sat up and yelled, his bunny ears rocking forward. 

Hermione snickered, pouring him some coffee. 

Much as she wanted to find him a robe or something to cover that luscious body of his, she quite liked watching him act in a way he never usually did. 

"So, you were explaining why you were covered in mud." She bit her lips together in mirth.

"Gardens. Laughing people. B-blue lights." He said stiltedly. 

"Ah." She giggled, "I think we should get you to bed." 

She walked him up the stairs and shielded him from behind as he stumbled, "You'll need a shower, Draco, you're filthy." She tried to ignore his dirty footprints on the carpet. 

"You have no idea how frilly the man...he c-can....um, be..." he staggered on the top step, making little sense. 

He muttered to himself before tripping over the ottoman in the bedroom. 

She helped him up. "Oh, sweetheart, are you alright?" 

"I-I'm as good as a-a chocolate frog...boing!" He replied, allowing her to push him into the en-suite. 

"You really shouldn't drink this much again, ever." She berated as he leaned over and vomited in the loo.

"She won't love me anymore if she finds out," he reached. "Shche was at yoga tonight, sche’ll be home and waiting for me." He made slightly more sense. 

Pushing him into the shower stall, Hermione turned on the cold water, hoping to sober him up. 

"Salazar's cock!" He screeched as she took the loofah and began scrubbing him. He yipped and tried to escape, but she pushed him back inside. 

"You're a dirty boy, so very dirty." Hermione laughed as he batted away the loofah. 

"Madame, I have a fiancée and you are very out of order!" He covered his cock, falling into her arms before tottering away. 

"Come on lover boy, towel yourself off." She chuckled. In the cold light of day, he might possibly remember all this and be incredibly embarrassed, she couldn't be sure as he was absolutely clattered.

She left him as he was insistent he didn’t want her to help him dry off, so she headed into the bedroom. He was still faffing and stumbling around in the bathroom, muttering to himself. She heard something crash to the floor and break. 

"What are you doing in there?" 

"Nothing, I just...it's splaterized..." He muttered. 

What the hell type of word was that? Hermione wondered with a grin.

"Draco, please, just come to bed, I'm tired." She lay on one side and watched him.

Draco was staggering once more as he sauntered naked into the bedroom. Godrick, he was perfect. She didn't think it was a good idea to try anything on with him, but she fancied a snuggle at least. 

She opened the covers for him and beckoned him with a hooked finger. She was flummoxed when Draco pulled the blanket from the end of the bed and laid it in a heap on the floor, grabbing a pillow from the bed. 

"Sweetie, aren't you getting in? Why are you sleeping on the floor?" She giggled as he earnestly sought out the bedding. 

"No thank you, my fiancée wouldn't like it." He eased himself to the floor, plumped his pillow and began snoring within a minute. 

Hermione laughed to herself as she turned out the bedside lamp in their room, in their shared townhouse. It was sweet really and her fiancé was adorable when drunk, even if he'd vomited in front of her. She was sure that during their long life together, one or the other of them would probably see something like that again. 

One thing she could be sure of, Draco Malfoy would be faithful until his dying day. 

Her phone beeped. 

Harry _: "I'm sorry, I came back for him and he was gone."_

Hermione: _"It's alright, he's home, naked, dirty and wearing bunny ears."_

Harry: _"Fuck knows where they came from, lol."_

Hermione: _"You will not be taking him out again before the wedding."_

Harry: _"Noted. Night Hermione, love you x"_

Hermione: _"Love you too, you idiot x."_

“Love you hummphione.” Draco said in his sleep.

Godrick, she loved this man.


End file.
